Pressure

It’s been there so long I hardly seem to notice it anymore. I don’t seem to register that it’s not normal to think it’s normal. It comes in waves. Sometimes I’m above it, sometimes I’m deep in it. The pressure…

To be the same person I was before MS.
To be who others might need me to remain being, who they are used to me being.
To be what future people (my kids, my parents) might need me to be.
To do what future people (my kids, my parents) might need me to do.
To prepare for all scenarios where I need to be capable, where MS could get in the way.
To always be doing the right thing for me and my health, physically and mentally, but…
To ensure the needs of others are met, that they are not neglected.
To be living in acceptance of MS,
To stop grieving,
To remain positive,
To move on, but…
To not forget or become complacent.
To keep trying, reading, eating, learning new things to manage it.
To not complain because it could be worse.
To talk about it, share about it, but…
To not make it all about me.
To not take it too seriously, yet…
To change how I live, think, eat, talk, move because of it.
To “do MS the right way”.
To set boundaries.
To speak my mind, my needs.
To be a different person than I was before MS.

Leaving these here in hopes that it helps me, reminds me, to hold on to them a little less tightly.